One step closer to knowing

So sitting in my hammock tonight, I thought it would be nice to write. In my last post, I said something to the effect that I feel like a new person. And I really do. One of my good friends called me the next day and was kind of confused about this. Was everything I was this year a lie?

Well kind of, hahah. It's not as if I've thrown away this year and all the people I've loved in it, I just see now that there was such a better way. The lie is this: I wasn't who I should have been. That is apart if this Telos, that was a season, and I'm in a new one, and I am different.

I talked to God tonight, and asked Him if all of this is real. He said yes. I talked to Him about fear and trust and grace and hope, and the peace remained. If I can bring my feelings to the Infinite and come back humble and yet still feeling them, then they are the truest. He is the great Iconoclast, which I think means (or at least im using it to mean) that everything we put to Him gets pounded before his truth. Tested if you will.

He is so good. I hope you all that read this arn't tired of me talking about God and I, but it's really all I have to talk about at the moment, since my current season of solitude is flooded with Him.

I was reading today about the grand canyon, and praying tonight, I felt like one. On top is the arid deadness and imperfectness of all I care about, I mean like the passing cares. It's painted and beautiful, but far from the bottom. His river washes through it, and at the bottom, past all my layers of Hopes and Fears is a garden, is sand and lush plants. I guess I'm saying, I see truer things in me than all I am now, and He is feeding those. this really isnt a good analogy, cause im really tired, so please don't write me off as crazy.

anyways, I got my ear pirced sunday. Not the smartest thing I've done. Emphasis on not. But it means something to me, it's like an ebeneezer. I'm shure alot of people arn't impressed, and I'm shure alot of people are disappointed. I will grow out of it. For now there is a metal ring in the upper part of my ear, and shure people will see me differently, because people have predjudices, cultural ones I mean, not that that's bad, but I would want them to question them. As for how this will effect my ministry, I'm not shure if it will, But i'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

Thankyou and Much Love